Election Fever

We're in the middle of election fever here in Oz. Whether we survive it or not will be decided on November 24th. Personally I'd die if our Prime Minister and his party are re-elected into government. They are heavily pushing their economic policy/background, because quite frankly that's all they really seem to have going for them, but their poor performance in social policy and general humanitarian issues (not least being distinctly anti-gay) is what really kills it for me (oh and all those lies about SO many things that Mr Howard just seems to get away with unchecked makes me want to jump up and down and yell). But that he is where he is in the opinion polls (low, but still way too high) makes me a little nervous. I think he's waiting for some big crisis to happen between now and Nov 24th so he can pull his 'homeland security' card and win, so I'm praying for smooth sailing until then at least...

But what's happening with the whole issue of gay rights? It seems no one really wants to talk about it - I heard something remotely positive from the liberal party ministers Malcolm Turnbull, but know it's just a ploy to get him re-elected, and with no serious intent. Should the issue become an election issue? Or will a party who declares that gay rights are an issue be voted out of the election in an instant? I don't know. But I do know that the minor parties (Greens and Democrats) are the only ones likely to fight with any vigour for rights and true fairness... I just wish more people would listen to them.

This is the first post here for an eternity. Thanks people who have been coming back to check what's new (or not) . It must seem like we've been on a deserted island for a long long time...

In the hiatus I've re-designed my own blog Superchilled, so feel free to check it out for more frequent updates.

Check out the poll here on voting in the Australian Federal Election. Cast your vote early! (you don't have to be an Australian to vote in this one!)

1234Quiz 10

If you were stranded on a desert island (with enough food and water) what one thing would you choose to take with you? (excluding another person)

The Frenchman: a solar powered iPod.
Aussielicious: the knowledge not to be so pathetic i'd die.
Little Boy Blue: my camera.
The Patient Man: my laptop and enough batteries to run it till I got rescued... or decided to stay.
Superchilled: my swimming goggles.

What would you take?

REGROUPING

Apologies for lack of posting here. Thanks for coming back. We'll see what we can do to keep on going - but there are changes afoot...

1234Quiz 9

If you were a car – what kind would you be?

The Frenchman: SLK!
Aussielicious: a red one.
Little Boy Blue: A convertible
The Patient Man: Range Rover. Unstoppable and really really really really good looking (said with a ‘zoolander’ influence).
Superchilled: A curvy old Mercedes convertible, with weathered wood and leather features.

What car would you be?

Today's Top 4

The Top 4 Politicians who need to be booted out, and why.

Today its up to you - to let us know who needs to be booted. The more votes someone gets - the more chance they'll make our final top 4.

Write in the comments who needs to go. And we'll tally the least popular and vote them out of office!!

Exquisite

This blog is aimed at gay men and this video is a definite departure from what is expected. We gay men like all things beautiful and this is exquisite. Using iconic images of women from art over centuries and set to beautiful music this had me captivated from the first frame.

1234Quiz 8

What was your favourite childhood toy?
The Frenchman: Didn't have any, I was locked in a cupboard till I turned 18... Probably my train set, I still have it.
Aussielicious: Masters of the Universe
Little Boy Blue: A small suitcase - I still have it!
The Patient Man: My imagination.. but I was also fond of the new born chickens and puppies. They were great to play with.
Superchilled: Matchbox cars – I wouldn’t go into a toy store without asking for more.

What was your favourite childhood toy?

Book Launch - Benno Thoma

He has a job a lot of our readers would die for. Thankfully Benno Thoma is happy to share his photography with us in the form of the new book "Around the Globe" filled with rather sumptuous images of the men of Bel Ami. The pictures speak for themselves. Not available in stores as yet - check out Benno Thoma - Around the Globe for online sales details.

Benno is one of our favourite photographers and is also linked on 1234Men under 'Photographers of Men'. Enjoy.

The hard times being a Single Gay Man.

In the last few weeks I've had almost the full selection of family events to attend, all by myself, as I'm single for the first time in years. Now it's not just a gay thing to be the 'single' one at these events, but it certainly seems to be the opening line from all the other attendees you meet. Nowadays just about every relative I know has a lovely gay acquaintance that they are sure I'll get on really well with. Where were all these lovely gays a decade ago when I lived in a small country town and had met maybe 5 poofs at the most?

Everyone is also so sad that you're single and wish you'd find that someone special. Little do they know you found that someone special last Saturday night, and the Saturday night before that. To me special is a few beers, a hot shag and a no-strings-attached goodbye at the moment.

So why do weddings, funerals and birthdays make you feel so alone? Because everyone makes you feel that way by bringing it up. So recently at a funeral I had more than a few lovely old ladies, that all knew I was a poof, say how sad it was that I'm not with anyone at the moment. Now, by no means to shock them, I'd just say straight to them that I'm lucky to be single at this time and I'm quite happy playing the field and spreading some wild oats so they should feel far from upset for me.

I tell you, I've never felt better than leaving that funeral by myself. Bring on more family and friend get-togethers I say. Being single is the new black, and being happily-single is more empowering than you can imagine.

So throw yourself into your job, a hobby, or your favourite exercise. Embrace it and focus all the bloody attention you want onto it, and don't feel bad for spending far too much time doing whatever it is. Just make sure you really love it, or in the case of your job, you'll get burnt-out.
And remember to go out every Saturday night now and then to find that something special, your Saturday night-special.

Written by Corey

Today's top 4

The top 4 signs you might be gay:

• You may bench press 120kg but you’ll pay $1200 for a Streisand ticket.
  
• You saw Debbie does Dallas, but can’t even recall what Debbie looks like.
  
• You’ve “helped out mates” more often than you’ve had girlfriends.
  
• The soundtrack to your life is provided by Divas with one name.

Mr_Right.com/search

The politics of online chat/dating is fraught with minefields of political correctness, etiquette and most regularly frustration. The first site I ever created a profile on is and was probably the most popular around the globe and full of temptations to spend hours pouring through profiles and developing RSI. This site also quickly became frustrating to say the least. Sure there are a lot of guys out there whose profiles say they are after a shag and nothing more but there were thousands of profile in my city alone that say they are looking to date and find Mr Right.com when in reality when you message them they are really just trying to download mrshag.com/fuckbuddyextraordinaire

Since my early forays there have been many lessons learned with mr_totally_fake_profile.wanker taking the prize for the most annoying and mr_old_flatteringphotos.net a close rival for my lack of attention. I’ve been on dates with “I’m_offensive”, “desperado”, “totalobotomy_stud” and “will_you_marry_me_tomorrow” all with totally unsurprising results.

If you do find yourself in the mood for some hotsluttyaction.org then logging in is equally dangerous and deceptive. Photos can be accurate but incredibly misleading at the same time and that guy that's always_up4it might actually never be_up4it afterall.

Logging in to get off sometimes does produce great results. Couple friends of mine have met online and clicked and even double-clicked and sometimes an instant message can lead to a good hard-driving download or two. Yet more often than not it’s an excuse to right-click alone to your hearts content.

1234 Quiz 7

What's the first thing you do when you get up in the morning?
Aussielicious: Toilet then clean my teeth.
The Frenchman: Go back to bed and snuggle
Little Boy Blue: pee
The Patient Man: Listen to the sounds outside, roll over and try my best to go back to my dream I was having.
Superchilled: Jump in the shower and really wake up.

What's the first thing you do when you get up?

Dealing with Depression

Feeling a bit blue? Not really feeling sociable? Keeping away from friends and activities that you used to really love? Bored with the idea of sex? Losing your self confidence? Maybe this describes you or someone close to you. If it’s been more than just a few weeks, then it might well need treatment.

I’ve diagnosed so many people with depression in the past few weeks in my clinical practice that I figured a post here on the subject is in order.

Men are typically brought up to hide any negative emotion, ‘tears are for girls’, ‘be a brave boy, don’t cry’ … you know the drill. Acknowledging you have depression can be a serious step outside of what society considers normal manly activity. When we have these feelings, we can feel it’s a weakness, a flaw, and so we typically hide them from the outside world. We get angry and moody and behave irrationally. Sometimes it will make us withdraw into our corners and hide from the outside world. It may make us scared to go into public places, or contribute to anxiety problems and panic attacks. Sometimes we want to withdraw from life completely – end it all, ‘life’s just not worth living…’ But invariably the feeling of hopelessness is there, it’s like you’re in a submarine, and the world is happening right above you – you can see it – but you’re just can’t get to the surface, you’re on your own, deep deep down, and it can feel like you’re sinking fast.

But you’re not on your own… Depression is incredibly common. Around one in five people experience it at some point in their lives. This also means that most of us will have someone close to us experiencing it at some point, if not ourselves.

People will do all kinds of things to get around depression. Sometimes the odd drink might seem like a good idea, but being a depressant itself, alcohol will in fact just make it worse; similarly party drugs can give a transient high, but often return to a deeper low.

There are a number of things that can in fact help to resolve depression. Simple things like regular exercise will improve it (aim for 30 minutes per day of whatever exercise you enjoy that keeps your heart pumping at least a little faster than normal), talking to a confidante as a regular thing can help get through down times (and strengthen relationships too), just talking out loud with someone can significantly improve our feelings. Professional counselling with a trained psychologist working with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is very helpful, and this may be combined with prescribed antidepressant medication for optimal effect. St John’s Wort is a natural remedy which has mild antidepressant effect and useful for milder forms of depression. Certainly there are a lot of antidepressant medications on the market which are extremely effective at treating depression, and the right one can be prescribed according to individual needs (if one doesn’t feel right – there is another sure to work for you). In Australia the cost for these treatments is quite low, and recent changes to medicare mean that you can get rebates for the cost of referred psychologist treatment.

Your GP is the first point of call in order to fully assess depression and anxiety issues, and it’s important that you have a GP you’re comfortable with. There are also other counselling and support services detailed at the end of this post.

Suicide in gay men and youth is much more common than in the general population. Depression is commonly connected with this, and a society that is not welcoming, tolerant nor supportive will only exacerbate this. Feeling suicidal is a very scary and alien thing. It's important that you see someone if you feel this way as it IS something that will pass, but you may well need help to get past it.

We need to recognise depression in the people around us and to make an effort to support them. We need to continue to press for law reforms to recognise gay relationships and support them. We also need to become more visible, to provide positive role models for the youth and indeed young adults around us who need something to aspire to that they can identify with. It is easy to be complacent with what we have, but in Australia we still don’t have equality which is itself depressing. Changing these things may seem insignificant but can be enormously powerful for the mental health of all gay men.

The bottom line is Depression is common, it is treatable, but it can have huge effects on our lives and the lives of people around us. Recognise it, treat it and help prevent it, and your world is going to be a better place.

For more information see the links below.

Australia
Beyond Blue (Australian National Depression Initiative – highly recommended)
Gay and Lesbian Counselling and Community Services of Australia

USA
The Trevor Project (no not me) an organisation in the USA which operates a 24/7 suicide & crisis prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth.

Do you have useful links from your country / state not included here? Please email or post a comment with details.

Camp is a four letter word!

Chat online or do it the old fashioned face-to-face way these days and you’ll hear the term straight acting bandied around all over the place. It seems that with homosexuality being more visible in society, those of us in the community would prefer that it was invisible again.

Anyone seen as being the slightest bit effeminate is to be looked down upon from a very well manicured but butch looking high ground. The guys coming out at a very young age in cities like Sydney seem to be more comfortable exploring their camp side, but the rest of us seem hell bent on making sure we don’t look like we actually sleep with other men.

I have to admit, I personally don’t understand the compulsion to wear eyeliner and have hair straightening parties with my friends, but I don’t understand the compulsion to play rugby league and paw over busty blonde girls either, but I’m not going to condemn the straight boys for doing it.

Just as the baby-gays might be hiding their insecurities behind eyeliner and foundation and a fierce pastel studded belt, are those determined to be “straight acting” hiding their insecurities of being seen as weak behind their macho front? Isn’t it about time that we all just were who we genuinely are instead of pretending to be something we aren’t? From what I can see, that was the whole point of coming out in the first place wasn’t it? So that we didn’t have to live in the closet wearing our polyester-blend self-loathing?

Thanks to DNA for the images.

Today's Top 4

The top 4 lies told by a closeted gay man:

• I’m too busy working/studying/looking after my disabled relative to have a girlfriend.
  
• I just haven’t found the right woman.
  
• Mum, this is my old school mate Thomas…
  
• I’m off to the gym honey, I’ll be back in time to tuck in the kids…

1234 Quiz 6

Who do you consider the world’s most beautiful man?
Aussielicious: For a total package of physical and emotional beauty I'm going to have to say either Hugh Jackman or Matt Damon.
The Frenchman: It changes everyday depending on DNA or Tetu cover or who I walk past on the street.
Little Boy Blue: My dad.
The Patient Man: Haven’t met him yet.
Superchilled: In terms of physical beauty, I keep coming back to Chad White.

Who do you consider the world's most beautiful man?

Colour by numbers - 1234men

Each week, I will present some artistic options for unplanned weekends with either friends, family or perhaps something to do on your own! I will envisage to bring some of the gay art news I find out about as well. This week though, just a run down on some of the big galleries in our world. Enjoy!

The PM

MCA, Sydney

Museum of Contemporary Art in Sydney is currently showing Primavera, their annual exhibition of Australian artists under 35 years of age.


They are open 10am to 5pm daily and admission is free.

Art Gallery of NSW



The Arts of Islam is a showcase of artistic achievement from the rich cultural history of the Persian empire from the 7th to the early 20th century. I don’t think there has been a more relevant or better time to learn and appreciate something wonderful from a part of the world currently under intense pressure. They have their extremists just like we have the KKK, The Religious Right and George Bush. Go along, embrace an artistic connection with your fellow man and find something worthwhile to not tear each other apart over. Education can only lead to understanding and positive change.




AUD$15 exhibition entry for adults. Gallery open from 10am to 5pm daily. General gallery entry is free and actively encouraged!

Art Gallery of Queensland

Howard Arkley, contemporary Australian Artist whose fastidious studies of Melbourne suburban homes and portraits makes for compelling viewing.



Howard Arkley 
Family Home -- suburban exterior 1993 
synthetic polymer paint on canvas 
203.0 x 254.0cm 
Monash University Collection 
© The Estate of Howard Arkley
Licensed by Kalli Rolfe Contemporary Art

MOMA New York is currently highlighting pieces from its collection of David Smith sculptural works. Take a deep breath and brave the crowds.



David Smith. (American, 1906-1965). Australia. 1951. Painted steel on cinder block base, 6' 7 1/2" x 8' 11 7/8" x 16 1/8" (202 x 274 x 41 cm), on cinder block base 17 1/2 x 16 3/4 x 15 1/4" (44.5 x 42.5 x 38.7 cm). Gift of William Rubin




Salvador Dali is drawing huge crowds to the Tate Gallery
in London. Time will melt before your very eyes.

The legend of Abercrombie and Fitch

David Abercrombie started selling and designing tents, rucksacks and other camping equipment in 1892. He prided himself on using good quality materials and producing the best equipment available. Ezra Fitch was a loyal and regular customer who was so enamoured with the business that he bought into it in 1900 and made it a partnership, the now legendary Abercrombie and Fitch.

Both these hot tempered men had different views on the direction of the company, with Fitch being the visionary of the two. By 1913 in their new location just off Fifth Avenue, A&F had moved their business towards selling sporting clothing and had become the only store to sell sports clothing to women.
In 1917 they’d moved again, to occupy an entire 12 floor building and were selling hot air balloons, chainmail and treadmills for dogs amongst all sorts of other bits and pieces.

Fast forward to modern times and the cult of Abercrombie & Fitch as a brand popular with “the gays” can probably be tracked back to using Bruce Weber to create their imagery for their now infamous quarterly magazine and “catalogue”.
This catalogue pushed the boundaries with it’s playfully sexy images and very hot young men wrestling in the water and the dirt, playing football and generally clamboring all over each other while nearly or not quite wearing the company’s clothing. When it got to the stage that there were more fine figured young men and women naked than clothed the puritans cried out in dismay and sadly the naked catalogue days are over.

The company still finds ways to tempt us boys-who-like-boys with model “greeters” at store entrances and beautifully shot videos and photos still helping tempt us to use our credit cards online.

Why is the label so popular with we boys? Because they aren’t just selling us cool, well-made clothing, they are selling us a lifestyle where it’s ok for you and your mates to stand around naked on top of a car, to use your buddy’s spectacularly defined pec as a very comfy pillow. A world where no one looks at you funny if you pull your mate’s pants down while you are wrestling in the water before you all strip off and fall asleep tangled up. Now THAT sounds like an ideal world.

1234Quiz 5

Where is your favourite place to kiss?

Aussielicious: From just behind the ears down the side of the neck.
The Frenchman: Location wise a mountain lookout at night, body wise back shoulder.
Little Boy Blue: THAT crease where the abs meet the legs.
The Patient Man: Standing under the Eiffel Tower watching the lights sparkle on a balmy summer night.
Superchilled: Definitely the side of the neck, just sensational, and sensitive…

Where is your favourite place?

Travelling Gay

We here at 1234Men love travelling the world, and some of us do it with extreme regularity. But whenever The Frenchman and I hit the road and search for a place to stay, there’s always the stress of arriving at the hotel counter and being directed to a twin share instead of a double room, even at times when we had already booked the double room. And so we’re frequently explaining that yes in fact we do want the double room, yes we understand that there are no other beds in the room, that’s just FINE. Staying at Bed & Breakfast accommodation is just a no go – unless we know in advance it’s gay friendly, as who wants to stay somewhere where the hosts are right next door and gave you ‘that look’ when two men arrived for their ‘romantic suite’. Often if we’re arriving off the street just one of us will go in and organise things so that there’s no difficulty. In Spain last month I ended up drawing my request in a very Pictionary way to detail what we wanted (obviously my Spanish bedroom talk isn’t polished). We have found the automated hotels that we sometimes stay in en route to somewhere else a much more relaxed proposition – but then you miss the whole personal interaction you’d otherwise have with locals, which is half the fun of travelling in the first place.

I know there are Gay & Lesbian run / friendly / welcoming locations, but they’re not everywhere, and in spite of the stresses, you can get some delightful surprises from even the most conservative looking old ladies who have run their family hotel for years, and take measures to ensure your pleasant stay. So we continue to test the waters, push the boundaries, and occasionally run away from it all as we travel the world.

Does anyone have any travel stories where they were delighted at unexpected surprises, or dismayed at atrocious discrimination when arriving at their room for the night?