Thursday, 16 August 2007

Oh come all ye faithful

For some time now there has been a disturbing cult-like phenomenon gaining ground across the world. Insidiously creeping it’s way into the lives of over 90% of the gay male population.
Celebrities are devoted and regularly promote the movement at any given chance. I’m not talking about religion or even the sci-fi pretendy religion Scientology. I’m talking underwear. No self-respecting gay man who’s mother is no longer responsible for purchasing their smalls would buy a pack of five pairs of cheap underwear for $10 again.
The good word has been spreading for several years now and we are all flocking to worship. Hell, wouldn’t you be on your knees if the altar was a bronzed, rippled and stuffed full of not-so-forbidden fruit?
Which god do you follow? Like conventional religions, we all have our own particular faith. Those beautifully-preened Ginch Gonch boys are like your average Mormon turning up on the doorstep of every circuit party and event at the drop of a hat.
Australia’s Bonds undies (similar to Fruit of the Loom in the U.S.) are like your faithful Jewish followers, suffering from persecution but have good old-fashioned strength and reliability to get them through.
The Australian phenomenon, Aussiebum, is the modern day equivalent of Henry VIII’s Church of England. It’s a newer kid on the block, caused a sensation and some consider it shocking.
If we are talking religion, then the Pope of all men’s underwear must be Sir Calvin of Klein. The first person to directly market anything sexy to men to wear under their jeans, Calvin created a niche market that just seems to have more and more contenders.
They’ve targeted our very stylishly girded loins with colour, cut, enhancements and sexy men printed 40 foot high lording their stuffed bulges over us from high above on billboards renowned for causing traffic jams.
Companies like these have surpassed religion with much more effective marketing and their donation plates don’t look like they’ll ever be empty any time soon!

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